The clown who painted a FrOwN upon his face
by crimsonbutterflyA
Summary: Allen's smile is melting. Lavi is the only stability he has. even though they fall in love... will his smile slip? and will his frown go just as quickly? Laven. Warning. Cutting depression, suicide attempts. possible character deaths.


**Chapter 1: Scars, Rain, Pain.**

"Good morning Allen!" Lenalee came up and patted Allen on the back with a cheerful smile on her face.

"Good morning, Lena." Allen responded with his ever so present smile.

"Allen, you look a bit pale,, are you feeling okay?" Lenalee asked worriedly.

"Yes, i'm fine, just hungry." Allen responded.

Lenalee looked hesitant to accept, but did anyway.

"Good morning Allen." Lavi came up behind them.

"Good morning, Lavi." Allen smiled.

'Allen winced when he smiled.' Lavi thought.

"What's for breakfast today, hey Allen~" Lavi asked.

"Breakfast stuff, Mitarashi..." Allen thought.

"Good morning Yuu~" Lavi just dug his own grave.

"What'd you call me Rabbit?!" Kanda yelled.

"Errr, Kanda, sir." Lavi carefully said.

"That's what i thought. Oi! Moyashi, we all have to go to Komui after we eat, don't make me wait." Kanda added, walking confidently to get his soba.

"Lena, haven't you been dieting?" Lavi asked earning a smack on the head.

"Lavi! You shouldn't ask that. you just say you notice i seem to have lost a little weight. honestly, have some respect." Lena yelled.

Allen laughed a little.

Lavi smiled when he saw Allen laugh, he hadn't heard him do that in a while.

"Actually, i don't think i'm really hungry right now, i think i'm going to go train." Allen smiled nervously.

'That's strange,' Lavi thought.

In truth, Allen was just going to his room. truly, he couldn't stand to be in the presence of Lavi. He had liked Lavi for about a year now, though, he knew... his feelings would never be discovered, nor returned.

Kanda made sure to remind him about Komui's office after he's done, Allen nodded.

Allen's wrists hurt. Allen had been a... he couldn't even say it mentally. but, he just couldn't take things somtimes, so, he relieved the pain he had in his soul, by conflicting pain on his flesh. that simple.

He actually almost fell over as he walked through the halls. he decided that razors could wait, he should visit Komui first.

"Komui! Lenalee's getting married to Kanda!" Allen yelled once he walked in.

in the distance he heard massive yelling, and Reever barking orders.

"Ah! Allen. Are the others with you?" Komui asked.

"No, i came alone, just tell me." Allen was already annoyed, and he just stepped in.

"Okay, well, i'm starting this 'buddy' project. let me 're having certain people do almost everything together, this is supposed to create a strong bond when fighting." Allen nodded. "Anyway, i am having you technically share a room with Lavi Bookman." Allen could feel his heart jump. "now see, there will be one living area, and two separate rooms, but basically sharing a room. there will be one bathroom. you will also always be on missions together. you will have to sit at the same table every day. you can do whatever you want together, but those three things have to be done. Understand? good, your stuff has already been put into the room, go ahead, grab Lavi and go in." Komui finshed.

Allen felt a great amount of dread rising in his heart. 'Did they find the razors?' 'What if Lavi found out?' 'What if they threw out my stuff?' 'OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO STAY WITH LAVI!' Allen turned aroundd and walked out the door, then paused. he was going to be staying in the same area of his year long crush. what was he going to do?

Allen let out a sigh.

"Hey, Allen! you went to the office without us... i'm deeply hurt, you've wounded me, love." Lavi made a hurt face and acted like he had been shot through the heart.

Allen's face heated up at the word 'love'. but he quickly cooled his face down. "Lavi, i'll explain this to you, considering it concerns us living together." Allen said.

"Living together?" Lavi asked, waited a minute, "Yay! I get to live with Moyashi!" Lavi exclaimed throwing his arms around Allen's shoulders from behind, not noticing the mad blush Allen had on his cheeks.

"It's Allen. Come on, i'll show where we'll be living from now on, i haven''t seen it yet either." Allen murmured, walking to their newly shared room.

"So... you wanna explain as to why i get the honor to share a room with my beloved Moyashi." Lavi played. though he had no idea how much those playful words affected Allen. Not at all, he had no idea.

"Komui' trying a new project. we can do whatever we want seperately or together, as long as we bide three rules. we have to sit at the same table when we eat. we always have to go on missions together no matter what, and we have to live together." Allen finished.

"Ahhh, so i ge tot be with you always, right? My beloved Moyashi~" Lavi once again slumped his arms over Allen's shoulders.

"Please don't patronize me, Lavi." Allen said quietly.

"Eh, Allen? Did i say something to hurt you?" Lavi asked worriedly. he turned Allen to face him, Allen had tears in his eyes.

Lavi pulled him into a hug, "Please don't cry, i hate it when you cry. i'm sorry i didn't mean to upset you, please don't cry." Lavi pleaded.

Allen just sobbed harder into Lavi's shirt.

"Come on, i have an idea where it is, i'll carry you." Lavi said, picking up a crying Allen. Allen clung to the shirt.

Lavi felt horrible as he walked down the hall, the only noise was Allen's crying. he didn't even feel horrible, that was an understatement, he felt like Satan. he had made his dear Allen cry, unintentionally, of course. but, he still did. Allen is very dear to him, he wouldn't hurt him if his life depended on it. whatever, he said or did, he had to fix it.

He reached the room, opened it with the key, walked in, and then put Allen gently on the couch. or, tried. Allen clung to him like his life depended on it.

Lavi sat next to Allen on the couch and then wrapped his arms around the small boy again, as he sobbed into his shirt. it was amazing how many tears Allen could've had left.

"Allen, i need you go let go, i'm going to get you something to eat and i'll be right back." Lavi assured as Allen dropped his hands from Lavi's shirt. Lavi thought it was a harmless act to leave him in their room for a few minutes, oh how he was wrong.

Right after Lavi walked out the door, Allen ran to the bathroom in desperation.

He finally found a pill bottle. but, he also found razor. he had to make a choice. would he end it? Let it all go? Or would he just stoop the pain for awhile, and then go back.

He decided he would end it all, right here, right now.

He took the bottle of pills and shook a pile into his hand.

'This is where it ends. All my suffering will finally end. Thank you, Lavi. I will love you, forever.' Allen thought as he put all the pills in his mouth and swallowed. he immediately got drowsy.

Lavi got the food and was about to walk into their room, he had to put the food down, and then unlock it, pick it up again, and then walk in.

When he walked in, Allen wasn't on the couch, the bathroom light was on.

he walked towards the bathroom, "Moyash- ALLEN" He yelled a she watched Allen drop onto the bathroom floor.

he dropped the food, and check Allen for a pulse. he then noticed the discarded pills in Allen's hand.

"Allen, no..." Lavi said in horror.

his pulse wasn't very strong. Lavi didn't have much time.

he picked the limp body up and fell into a mad sprint knocking down anyone and everyone. Lavi had tears streaming down his face.

'What if this was my fault?' Lavi wondered. had he killed Allen? He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he had.

He crashed through the doors of the clinic startling everyone present. "Help! He's dying!" Lavi yelled in desperation.

The head nurse took Allen from his arms and put him into emergency care, he was deathly pale, and his pulse couldn't be felt through skin, but he was still alive.

Lavi immediately fell to his knees, and he was sobbing.

A nurse put a blanket around his shoulders and pulled him up to have him sit down.

"Is Allen going to be okay?" Lavi asked.

"Yes, you saved him in time, a second laater, he would have either had permanent damage, or wwoud have lost his life. you're a hero." the nurse said.

Lavi nodded. 'I'm the reason he almost died in the first place, i'm no hero.' Lavi thought in his head.

"You can go see him, he's calling for you." he nurse emerged from the door.

Lavi nodded, and then walked into the room Allen was weakly hanging onto life.

"Hey Lavi..." Allen said with a smile.

Lavi had thought that he had used all of his tears, but they came again. he hid his cascade of tears by hiding his head in Allen's chest.

"I'm sorry. Did i do this to you?" Allen felt horrible.

"No... i'm sorry, it's my fault, you tried too. too... i'm sorry! i didn't mean to do this to you!" Lavi sobbed.

Allen was shocked. "Lavi you... you think it's your fault? oh god no! Lavi! It could never have been your fault!" Allen insisted.

Lavi shook your head. "Then what? What could make you want to end your own life? It's so horrible. please don't do this again! i don't think i could handle it!" Lavi continued to sob.

"Lavi..." Allen had no words.

"Promise me. Promise me if you ever hurt, come talk to me, i don't want you to do this again..." Lavi looked straight in Allen's eyes. he still had tears cascading down his face, but he was serious.

"I-I, I can't do that." Allen responded shamefully.

Lavi had the look of horror again. "Please. I can't do this, i need you to promise, Please... I... I... I love you too much to live without you..." Lavi held onto his hand and hid his face again. Lavi was nervous, he had just confessed to his long term crush!

"L-love?" Allen said, exasperated, did he really just hear that?

Lavi nodded, still hiding his face. "I've had a crush on you, for like... ever..." Lavi mumbled.

Allen teared up.

"I'm sorry! i said something wrong again didn't i?!" Lavi panicked, wiping tears from Allen's eyes.

Allen shook his head. "No, i'm just so r-relieved. i've had a crush on you for the longest time... i never thought you'd know, much less return my feelings..." Allen sobbed, but they were happy tears.

"You liked me?" Lavi asked surprised but happy at the same time.

Allen nodded.

Lavi smiled and pulled Allen into a hug, kissing his forehead. "So... will you do me the honors of being my boyfriend?" Lavi asked.

Allen looked Lavi in the eyes. then, he nodded happily.

They both smiled.

"well, i guess you just need admitance to get outta this place, right? Well, let's go." Lavi said with a smile.

* * *

**This is chapter 1 of a multi chapter story, this is just the beginning. hope you enjoyed, please review.**


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